I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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