6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
