I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
