3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
