Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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