Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
