I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
