she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Randomize
