Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
