I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
