did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
