He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pants are for mortals
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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