we're blogging at a bar
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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