I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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