I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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