oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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