my phone needs a breathalizer
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
