either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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