Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
