Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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