Kiss
Puke
we have pet lesbian snakes
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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