I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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