nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
