So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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