I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
