At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
