The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
