I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
