Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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