Cold hands, warm shart.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
