can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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