so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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