We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
