She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
