It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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