So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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