I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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