He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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