yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize