You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
