I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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