none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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