it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sarcasm needs its own font
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
