I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
