I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
