wanna go halves on a baby?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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