saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
