Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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