True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
