Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
