Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she smelled like a LAN party
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I deserve this hangover.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
