Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
