You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I skipped work to stalk him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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