Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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