i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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