i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
