Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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