how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you will always have a special place in my vag
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
