It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
