i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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