Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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