I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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