Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
