She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
