Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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