He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
