we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
