I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if only i could text you this smell
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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